The Epitome of Awkwardness
by When Randomness Meets Idiotism
Summary: Hermione is back at Hogwarts for 7nt year at Hogwarts. With her Sex God infatuation, Ron's aversion, Harry's general confusion and Ginny's resolution, life couldn't be more fucked up. DM/HG. A fluffy light hearted fic. Rated M for lot's of swearing and probable sexual content in the future.
1. The Epitome Of Awkwardness

It has been 2 weeks 3 days 15 hours and about 10 minuets since I had my first kiss.

You know that beautiful moment when you look into each others eyes and know its true love. The flowers bloom and the angels sing.

Except it wasn't like that.

At all.

It had been almost a year since Ron and I had been dating. I shall admit that it was pleasant at first. But, you know, at one point in a relationship, you should actually take a big step. Except for Ron and I, the biggest step we have ever taken is hugging. And you know, Ron's a boy and boys like sex but not once did he ever try to put his hand on me, I mean just because I'm a feminist bookworm, that doesn't mean I want to die a virgin. Since we saved the world, the boy had become a bloody saint! Honestly,I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to give up magic and become a priest. All his mumbo jumbo about how he would 'wait until I was ready'. Darling, I've been ready since I hit puberty. But, of course I couldn't tell him that, So I just smiled weakly and said "Thank you."

Thank you for being such a blind moron.

Well, at least I had a bit of time left on the clock before we had to get back to 7nt year at Hogwarts, so I spent it with Ginny. You see Ginny and I have been best friend since as long as I can remember. It is a 'No-such-thing-as-a-secret' relationship that honestly scare the crap out of me. She and Harry have been going out for about a year now. But with her Molly-Weasly-inherited anger and his hero complex, I doubt it will last. But, if Ginny is happy, I'm happy. But she is pretty enough to get any guy in her year(which is the same year as me since we kinda skipped one year. Carrows, Anyone?),you know, just saying.

Anyway, So the last night during my sleep over with Ginny at the burrow,Ron came over to my room and cupped my chin. _Finally._ I thought. He looked at me wondering if I would slap him if he kissed me, I nodded to tell him to continue. _cue angel singing._

I expected a beautiful peck or even a little mouth. but what I wasn't expecting was a bloody saliva donation.

The angel didn't sing, they cried.

With laughter.

_does he brush his teeth with garlic. ew._

I quickly pushed him away and gave him a sympathetic smile. And told him I was tired. I literally kicked him out of the room and slammed the door on an utterly confused Ron. I left the burrow early the next morning to escape his baby face and wolfish hands.

So much for getting laid.

So lets get back to the present. I'm standing here at kings cross station with an ugly ass suitcase waiting for the Hogwarts express to arrive. Passers by look at my with mixed feelings of pity and mockery. _The brains of the golden trio who saved the world is sitting alone with her suitcase. Pity. _Or _bucktoothed beaver, sitting her ugly arse on the fucking ground. That's karma for you, bitch._ Though the latter would be used only by the slytherin's. Especially a certain Draco Malfoy. Damn, even the thought of his name takes my estrogen levels to a new high.

oh, yes. I've forgotten to explain to you my current predicament. I Hermione Granger have an unexplainable heavy infatuation over Draco Malfoy. Why is that, you ask? Well listen my children and you shall hear:Draco is the kind of man that will make even a troll want to jack off. He is sex-y. And he is smart and sly. Every thing that Ron isn't. Maybe I should explain why I was with Ron in the first place. Well lets take an example: Ron is like a dog, he is loyal, cute to play with and wouldn't know hot if it bit him in the bum. Well, after the war every body assumed we would end up together and we passed with an exceeds expectations. In fact we convinced people so well that people have asked us 'when the wedding is' multiple times. It wasn't even funny the first time. With my Malfoy obsession and his no-sex-until-marriage oath, This was anyway never going to work out. I mean why would you think about Umbridge while your having sex with brad Pitt. Why would you resort to saliva transfer with Ron when you have an entire year to stare at Draco's butt like a fat kid looking at an ice-cream truck.

"Hermione?" A voice woke my from my contemplative thoughts .

_It was Draco. She looked into his beautiful grey eyes. _

"_Madame, I have been watching you for a while and I would like to tell you how lovely you look this morning. Here let me carry this luggage for you. A beautiful lady like you mustn't be holding something so heavy." _

_she looked into his eyes " Why thank you kind, sir." She replied_

"_how about I carry you there, you look tired" He said. His voice like that of a nightingale._

"_You are far too kind "_

_he carried her and whisked her away int his bedroom where he lay her down and began to remove her corset-_

"Get your ass off the floor" I woke up from my beautiful day dream only to face The-Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Die.

" Oh. Hi, Harry." I said trying to sound as enthusiastic as I could.

"how long have you been sitting on the floor? And why do you look so flustered?"He asked suspiciously, like I had just robbed gringotts.

"Um, I just got here." I lied, trying to sound as less as a druggie as I possibly can.

"Ok, well lets get into the train before we have to resort to reaching Hogwarts on broom."He said. I was about to comply before he ruined it by saying" But I hear you've already rode Ron's broom."

Wait one nono-Fucking-second .

"Harry James Potter, What do you mean by that?" I said, emphasizing on every word.

"Well, you know, a little birdie told me that you and Ron finally decided to get on the sex train." He said with a satisfies smirk on his mouth.

"The sex-train? And who is this little birdie of yours?you go tell your little birdie to shove its tail feathers up it's-" I said. clearly offended by the fact that anyone would thing I would give my virginity to that git who smelled like the offspring of an rotted onion and garlic. I mean before our first (horrifying) kiss, I would have been more than happy to comply, but now...

"Geez, Hermione. Cool down. It was Ron who told me that . And don't worry, I only told Ginny, and Luna .and I think Luna told lavender and parvathi."he interrupted.

Oh No. This is a disaster. Why the fuck will Ron tell any one that we had sex when we clearly didn't. I bet lavender and parvathi would have told half of Hogwarts by now. Stupid Luna.

I bet one of her wozzel slankers couldn't tell her when to keep her bloody mouth shut.

So I drag Harry, not even bothering to defend my honor, into the train. I open the first empty compartment I see and push 'The-Boy-Who -Believes-anybody' into the seat and get ready to begin the lecture in my defense when-

"Getting feisty now are we Granger?"I hear a voice drawl behind me.

Shit.

I turn around to see the one and only Draco Malfoy standing behind me. His blond hair is falling into his eyes. A sexy little smirk is playing on his lips.

_I wonder how his lips would feel on my body._

_Say something Hermione, you look like a fool. And while your at it wipe the drool off your chin._

"Screw you, Malfoy"I said _or you can screw me._

"Why, is Weasly's cock too small for you? Poor bastard can't even pay for an enlargement."

_But I hope yours is big enough._

_Shut up voice._

"A little birdy tells me you both have been getting it on."

_Damn all the birdies._

"The beaver and the weasel. Soon you'll have a zoo."He continues.

"Don't exclude yourself ferret." Harry says, Finally gaining the ability to talk.

"Oh, Please potter . I would never share a zoo with Granger here."

_I have a little nest you can keep all to your self._

Oh God. I cant even utter a sentence in front of him. I should say something. At least, like, three words.

"Go away, Malfoy." Yup, three words.

"Oh, Look here. Granger gained the power of speech. Finally tore your eyes off body, I see." He said Mockingly.

Shit.

"Don't talk to her like that Malfoy."A voice came from behind him.

I look over him only to find Ronald Weasly.

"How wonderful. Weasels here to join the party."

Double shit.

"How dare you talk to my precious like that?"Said Ron, at a failed attempt to be remotely romantic.

_'my precious'? Who does he think he is, Gollum?_

_No,wait. I like Gollum..._

_'smegoul doesn't like this...' hehehehe I'm so hilarious._

_Earth to Hermione, phyco ex and Mr. Sex are right in front of you._

"uh, Ron. I think I can Handel myself. Thankyouverymuch."i say. Trying to save at least a little bit of my dignity in front of 'Mr. I-make-myself-come'.

"Hermione, Are you breaking up with me?" he says, eyes already filled with water.

_Oh, god. Here come the water works._

"i thought you love me Hermione. We were meant to be. You were made for me. My heart beets to the sound of your voice."he said dramatically.

Huh?_Are you fucking serious?_

I take this opportunity t look at the sex god.

He seems to be the only person who is enjoying this conversation.

_Well, here goes nothing..._

"Ron, at first I did want to start a life with you. But our first kiss has certainly created a shift in the paradigm of our relationship. It has made it clear to me that the both of us can be nothing more that friends. Your childishness and imbecile expectations in our relationship has distracted me from my studies, as you know the cultivation of knowledge in my mind is ranked very high in my goals in life and this being out 7nt year, I shall not be sidetracked. I can assume from the twist that your facial features are making that I am talking too fast for you tiny cranium to comprehend. I do not wish to prolong this conversation as, in the words of Shakespeare, I would challenge you to a duel of wits, but I see that you are un armed."I say haughtily.

_Heh. Put that in your pipe and smoke it._


	2. Slytherin Sex Gods

Disclaimer : I Do not own Harry Potter. :(

Chapter 2 : Slytherin Sex Trio.

To say the train ride to school was awkward, would be the world's biggest understatement.

Ron ,with a face the colour of his hair, stormed out of the compartment subsequently. Leaving me to deal with harry.

"um... Hermione, I think that was a little...um... harsh." He said sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, harry." I said, Sighing."Its just that Ron was acting a bit immature, by telling everyone that we had sex when we didn't."

"HERMIONE JEAN GRANGER!"a voice screamed from behind, I turned around to face a very angry, very pissed off Ginny Weasley.

"What the fuck ? You had sex with Ron!"She said with disgust dripping from her voice.

"I Didn't! I swear to Merlin, he is making it up!" I say, At a pretty shitty attempt to be convincing.

Ginny looks at me suspiciously, then seems to believe me.

"Well thank lord for that, I would never have forgiven you for giving your virginity to the git." Said Ginny, Who didn't like Ron very much.

The rest of the train journey was quite pleasant, well other than all the snogging that was going on between Harry and Ginny, Which triggered my upchuck system

We went into the great hall for dinner and sat through the sorting.

Well this is boring...

I allow my eyes to travel to the slytherin table.

At the middle of the table sat the three slytherin sex god's, The mention of any one of their name was enough to turn he girls dormitories into a cum fest.

On the right sat Blaise Zabini,He was the Italian prince. He had a darker texture of skin, With his brown hair and piercing black eyes, He had the girls falling on their knees with a twitch of an eye. He also had a rather pleasant and kind personality when not with the rest of the sex trio. Ginny has had a crush on him, quite similar to my crush on Malfoy, But she had Harry.

On the left sat Theodore Nott, He was the comedian of the trio, every think that came out his mouth was bizarre, crazy and equally hilarious. He also was the smartest slytherin and came second in class, after me of course. He was the perfect mixture of Draco and Blaise, He had a slight sun-kissed tan, sparkling blue eyes, and pitch black hair that slightly fell into his eyes. He was neither too muscular like Blaise nor skinny like Draco, he was regarded as the epitome of perfection, But he was not my type.

And in the center of the table sat the slytherin Prince himself, Sitting there majestically, Laughing about something that Theo said.

Damn, He is fine.

He is the alpha male of the sex trio. He had a pale skin, high set cheek bones, pointed features, Platinum blond hair falling into his eyes and startling grey eyes. Damn. He had a perfect Adonis body, even though he was on the thinner side. He was literally sex with legs.

"My love,it has come to my notice that you have certain feelings towards me, the felling that you posses for me is most certainly mutual." He said,"I shall love you for eternity, if you will come with me."

"Sure, kind Sir-Knight."She said, Her heart thumping out of her chest .

He took her to his chariot and swiftly took her away to his bed room in his manor, where he slowly began to remove her corset-"

"Ouch!"I exclaimed "You stabbed me with a fork!"

People always ruin it at the best part!

"wipe the drool off you chin, you idiot."Ginny said half-angry, Half-amused."You have been staring at Malfoy With a dreamy expression, looking like an absolute fool."

well... woopsie daisy !

"Sorry, Was in paradise land , What did I miss?"

"Nah, Nothing much. Just Dumbledore telling us to be all "Brave" and "Ambitious" and shit."

"Meh." I reply.

I Take a look at the rest of the gryffindor table, only to wish I hadn't . My eyes feel upon Ron who was sitting with Seamus and Dean, and he was looking straight at me.

If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under...

Ron was acting like I had punched his Grandma.

It's so like him to blow thing out of proportion.

At this point of time, Dumbledore come on the stage..

"Hello, I would like to concluded this dinner by reveling this years Head boy and girl.."

At this, my ears perk up...

"This years head boy is Theodore Nott from Slytherin." Dumbledore says, with a gleam in his eye.

The entire hall erupts into applause, well, except for the boys of the gryffindor table, who looked thoroughly pissed. Theo looked like he expected it,and was just smiling and accepting the congratulation he was getting. Blaise and Draco on the other hand looked like Christmas came early. They were smiling so much, it looked like their cheeks were going too fall off. They were acting like they had gotten the position of head boy..

Boys are so weird...

"The head girl is.." Dumbledore continued." Is none other than our own Hermione Granger."

Hey shorty, It your birthday, We gonna party, like its your birthday...uh

Thrusts pelvic forward and backward

everyone around me is congratulating my while I was doing my little gangsta happy dance.

My eye catches Theo, as he gives me a little wink...

After dinner Dumbledore escorts Theo and I to our personal dormitory.

We arrive in front of a door with a portrait of a BEAUTIFUL woman. She had look black hair that covers her naked breasts and all she was wearing was an appropriately placed maple leaf. She was VERY naked.

"I assume you both will get along together and will be role models for the ideology of house unity." Dumbledore says.

I highly doubt it.

But I say, "Of course, sir."

"And you Master Nott?" He asks Theo, who was busy eye fucking the portrait.

"Huh?" he says, as I kick him in the shin."Yeah. Yay Unity! Hallelujah, Whatever."

and he goes back the making the portrait blush.

Sigh.

"Your password is 'dulce bellum inexpertis'." Dumbledore said.

Theo's head seemed to turn faster than the speed of light at this. His face suddenly last it's color and and he had a dangerous look on his face. His eyes seemed to darken several shades. And then, all of a sudden, the dark face was gone just as fast as it had come on and Theo continued to grin like a lunatic.

Well that's weird.

"This phrase means,' War is sweet to those who have never fought', in Latin."

well, that actually explains a lot."

I finally understood the sudden Dark Theo.

Nobody, except for the Slytherin's, know exactly what happened to the Nott's during the war. But, it is said that Theo was used as Weapon of torture be Voldemort, He was used to kill and torture people that Voldemort didn't find worthy to kill himself. He was forced into becoming a death eater by his father.

"dulce bellum inexpertis." Dumbledore said, and the woman curtly smiled and the door swung open.

It was beautiful.

There was a large, spacious room with mahogany flooring in front of had a beautiful mixture of Slytherin and Gryffindor colors. There was a central fire place with a nice and cozy couch, a reclined chair and a bean bag. There was a huge library on the opposite of the fire place. There was also, surprisingly, a huge T.V, attached to a home theater system with a complete assortment of There were two staircases that headed to both the head rooms. Mine was on the left and Theo's on the right.

"It's beautiful"I said, Finally gaining my ability to talk.

"Yes, it is, Miss. Granger." Dumbledore Said.

"I wish both of you will not abuse the power bestowed upon you."

"I will."Theo said. After looking at the incredulous looks on our faces he said,"You know I will."

Dumbledore sighed deeply and then shrugged.

"I shall leave you two to explore your room's."With that Dumbledore left us alone, shutting the portrait behind us.

One whole minute went with Theo and I just looking at each other awkwardly.

"Let's get naked!"Theo said, Grinning.

What?!

"What?!"I said Completely thrown off by that comment.

"Well, not really. I was just trying to break the ice."He said"Unless you want to ..."

He said wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Keep Dreaming, Nott."

I belong to a certain blond head.

With that I left to go discover my room.

I walked up the staircase and open the door that said 'Hermione: The descendant of Athena' on it. I take a second to look at Theo's door, which says, 'Theodore: The descendant of Adonis.'

Ha! how apt.

With this I walk into the room in front of me. The inside of the room was everything that I had hoped for. It was blue, with splatters black paint all over it. I had a huge ass mirror, and an awesome Bose station iPod dock! In the middle of this awesomeness was by far the worlds most comfortable looking bed. Its was plush and had a layer of red colored silk. I opened the door to the bathroom, that I (Thankfully) don't share with Nott. And I see another big ass mirror (Jeez, are you trying to hint something?),a washing sink, a commode and a Huge bathtub and shower.

You spoil me.

So I begin to magically set all my clothes into the cupboards, when I remember That I was supposed to meet Ginny 10 minuets ago.

Shit! Getting killed by an angry best friend is definitely not in my Top-Ten-Ways-To-Die-Painfully list.

I quickly change into presentable clothing and storm out of the room. I was just about to close the door behind me when I hear an all familiar sneering voice behind me.

"Hello, Mudblood."

I turn around as calmly as I can manage and say,

"Hello, Ferret."


	3. The Ginny Weasley Predicament

**HI! I'm back... and I really need to make a notice right now. I am in desperate need of a beta! so if anyone is interested, please message me!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All rights go to Jo. Unfortunately.

I turn around to see the sexiest man alive standing not more than 25 cm away.

Well, when I imagined being at close proximity to Draco Malfoy, I certainly didn't imagine a wand between us.

Well, at least not the type of wand that was pointed at my throat right now.

_Sigh._

"Drop the wand, Malfoy." I say, Trying to act annoyed, and masking up the fact that I am completely Malfoy-struck.

"Well, Don't blame me for not being able to lounge around sipping coffee when your around. I'm pretty sure I'm on you and the rest of the unicorn trio's 'Next kill' list." He says, Frowning, but lowering his wand.

"Relax, Drake." Theo said, Interrupting our previously absolutely charming conversation."Granger, Here, Doesn't bite."

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure if I was you, Nott." I say haughtily."If you both don't get out of my way right now, I will show you just how sharp my teeth are."

With that I walk out of the portrait and run to the the Gryffindors common room to meet a very pissed off Ginny.

"What is the password, My dear" Asked the Fat Lady.

"Liquorish Twizzlers"

The door enters in front of me and I race up the staircase, into the girls dormitory.

I walk in to see Ginny sitting on her bed, talking to Lavender and Parvathi.

Lavender and Parvathi were the schools gossip whores.

Lavender was a very hyperactive witch, with ringlets of hair that she had dyed red for Ron during 6th year. She had very pretty brown eyes and a curvy body. Parvathi, on the other had, was a very mellowed down girl. She had long black hair cascading down her back. She had black eyes and a slight tan on her cheeks. Boys went gaga over her. She was currently dating Dean Thomas.

All three of them turned there pretty little heads heads to look at me when I walked in.

"Hermione!Where have you been?" Exclaimed Ginny."I went to the heads dormitory but that fucking painting of yours was too busy masturbating over Nott to pay me any attention!"

"Sorry, Gin." I say."I got caught up because of Malfoy."

"oooh! He is even sexier this year. If that's even possible." Lavender says, with a hungry look an her face. Clearly, She is also one for the many members of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club.

"Actually, 'Mione, You are a very lucky girl."

"Why, Please do tell." I say sarcastically. Really? Because I don't feel extremely lucky.

"Well, You are sharing a living quarters with _'The Theodore Nott'_. And _'The_ _Theodore Nott'_ is best friends with _'The Blaise Zabini' _and '_The Draco Malfoy'_." Parvathi says, obviously trying to hint something.

"Yes, Well, _'The Hermione Granger'_ has no idea where this conversation is going."I say, not understanding exactly what that girl means.

"What I mean to say is, that Draco and Blaise will spend majority of their time in your common room. Which means you can see them almost every hour of every day of this entire year, if you want to." She says, clearly excited.

Well, Isn't that fan-fucking-tastic. Bloody spiffing.

When I wished to spend every living breathing moment with Draco Malfoy on my last birth day, I didn't mean it this literally.

"Well, Isn't that a ray of sunshine. Let the four of us run into the sunset, holding hands, with unicorns and butterflies dancing around us." I say, not bothering to be polite and hide my sarcasm. Fuck polite.

Lavender and Parvathi giggle.

Sigh.

"Hey Gin, wanna see my head room?"I say, trying to get myself away from the vogue twins here.

"Sure." she says, caching my hint."Bye guys."

With that, we leave to the heads quarters.

"Mia, I can't believe you finally have the opportunity to spend all your time with Sex himself." Ginny says, not understanding the magnitude of the problem that I am in."All you have to do is spend a lot of time with Nott and indirectly, you get to spend time with Draco as well!"

"Gin! It's not a good thing! And I can't spend all my time with Nott, he'll drive me crazy!"

Ginny frowned and thought about it for a moment.

"Well, at least you have eye candy. I have Lavender and Parvathi." She says frowning.

I sympathized completely.

We reached the Heads room just in time to see the portrait have on orgasm. Welcome to a day in the life of Hermione Granger.

"_dulce bellum inexpertis_." I say, trying my beast to ignore the throaty moans coming out to the portraits mouth as her climax subsided, and walked through the door with Gin following closely.

The three boys seemed to be just where I left them. They were on the couch, watching Muggle football.

"C'mon Drake,"Theo said,"It is a shit awesome game, Even if it is made by Muggles."

"It's barbaric."Draco protested, clearly repulsed by the idea."Kicking a ball into a net is completely pointless."

_What the fuck? No one insult football in front of me._

"And floating in mid-air trying to snatch a tiny golden ball called a 'Snitch' isn't ?" I say, trying to defend the honour of the only sport I have ever grown to like. Football, or as Americans call it 'soccer', is one of the only games that I find amusing,So God help anyone who insults it in front of me.

The reaction to me insulting Quidditch was immediate.

Draco looked more surprised than his Father would ever deem appropriate, Blaise looked like he would soon resemble Hitler on a war path, Ginny looked both offended and completely mortified and Theo looked like Christmas had come early.

"Granger," Blaise said darkly" One doesn't simply insult Quidditch within the four walls of Hogwarts."

"Yea, Mia."Ginny added" Bad move."

Draco just stared at me, stunned than anybody other then Theodore Nott, who was currently doing a very happy victory war dance , could ever dislike Quidditch.

"Well, I have my opinion, just like you had your opinion about football."

"Listen to the women in the Gryffindor robes!" Theo exclaimed loudly and then quickly added,"Not you, Weasley." when everyone gave him a confused look.

"OK, Granger," Draco says," But don't say shit like that in public unless you want your ass whipped."

_You can do the honours if you'd like._

_Oops, did I just think that?_

"Well,Gin. Off to my room." I said, trying to change the topic.

"Sure." She said following me up the staircase, into my room. As soon as she entered my room, she gasped.

"I noticed the you had a TV in your living room, but your own iPod doc? I thought Muggle electronic devices went haywire at Hogwarts?" She asked curiously.

"Yea, I asked Dumbledore the same thing, he said that apparently there was a charm called '_Muggleus Contraptionalus' _(_**A/N:**_ Not the most imaginative spell, I know. But I'll try better next time, I promise.) allowed Muggle Gadgets to be used in the Head rooms so I could keep a good eye on the Muggle news for information about my parents."

_What a thoughtful man._

_Yea, but you know you're going to use it to watch soap operas._

_Shut up,Brain._

"Anyways," Ginny said," Did you see Blaise this year?"

_Yes, I did. I was with you when you met him._

"Sex-y! What I wouldn't do to have him right here, right now." Ginny said, sighing with longing.

"Gin, When you say ' Right here, right now', you don't really mean..." I said, worried about all the different reasons for her to use my room.

"Of course not, silly." She says, dismissing the thought of her having sex in my room ." Don't you think it would be a major turn off to have sex in my best friends room with _his_ best friend next door, who _my_ best friend secretly has a major crush on?"

_Great. My best friend thinks I'm a turn off._

_But she did have a pretty valid point. _

"Yea, that would be weird."

Exactly what I need, a best friend who actually has a shot with the guy she has a crush on.

Le Sigh.

"So, moving on to matters that matter,"She said, obviously exited for some reason."What are you going to do with Draco next door?"

Aw, what a nice friend. She actually cares about my 'next to nil' chance with Draco.

"I don't know Gin," I said." I mean, with Pansy and all..."

Pansy Parkinson. Bitch of the century. Drama Queen. Miss Universe. International Supermodel. Ex-Girlfriend of Draco Malfoy.

Pansy is hands down one of the prettiest girls of our school. She has short black hair, skinny legs, flat stomach and tits the sizes of my fucking face. Well, not really, but my tits looked like mosquito bites compared to hers. She has beautiful grey eyes and a spotless pale skin that would make her a cover girl in less that 0.6 nano seconds.

She had boys falling at her left right and center. And she manage to catch the eye of none other than Draco Malfoy.

Their relationship lasted for only about six months, but they had known each other for, like, ever. So my chances of getting together with Draco was deteriorating rapidly.

"Don't worry about Pansy." Ginny said," Malfoy will figure out that you are the real deal. And that intellect comes before pleasing your aesthetic nerves."

_ha!... yea right._

"I'm sorry, Gin. But that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard." I said, honestly.

"Yea, I did feel pretty stupid saying it." Ginny confessed sheepishly.

"So now what?" I ask desperately.

"Now, we pretty you up." She says plainly.

"I'm sorry , I don't think I follow you."I say confused."What do you mean 'pretty me up'?

"Well, it's getting late, I better hurry before the Fat Lady decides its time to take a nap."She says before hurrying out of the room at the speed of light.

'pretty me up?' This better not be one of Ginny's plans, because Merlin forbid anyone goes against Ginny when she has a plan. She had the wrath of a thousand Molly Weasley's put together. And no one in their right minds would want to test that, not even her best friend.


	4. Pretty Me Up, Please!

I wake up just in time to hear something crash loudly in the kitchen.

_At 5am in the morning? Really, Nott?_

I Drag my self down stairs trying my best not to imagine Theo in a bunch of situations that include a knife, ropes and lots of blood spilt.

_Wow, That was kinky._

The smell of ridiculously strong coffee swirled through the room and made me feel weirdly nauseous. I'm more of a tea girl.

Theo's dead body sounds pretty inviting to me right now.

I walk into the kitchen only to be greeted by the rather pleasing sight of Theodore Nott in nothing but a towel loosely wrapped around his waist, surrounded by spilt coffee and shattered glass.

"Oh. Hey Granger." He said, Sad. Obviously disappointed that he couldn't manage to make a decent cup of coffee without mucking the whole kitchen up.

"Ewfmergh." I say groggily, seems like my lips are still asleep from my previously peaceful nap. Well, lets give this another shot-

"Nott? What do you think you're doing.?"

There, Hermione Granger is back on track.

"Sorry, Just trying to make a decent cup of coffee, You'd think Muggle equipment would be easy to use,'_Four easy steps to a perfect cup of coffee' _my arse." He said, Reading the back of the instruction manuel.

"Why don't you just use your wand?" I said, now intrigued, All signs of grogginess gone.

Yes, another mystery to solve; '_The mystery of the unwanded Nott'. _I know, Scooby Doo can come up with better names for his mysteries.

Wow, my life is pathetic,

aaaaaaaand tuning myself back into the conversation,

"Well, I left my wand in my room last night, and then afterwards it was, um... occupied, so I couldn't get it back." He said sheepishly, obviously trying to hide some vital pieces of information.

_It is a mystery alright._

_The name is Hermione Holmes and the address is 221 B Baker street._

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any sadder.

Maybe, there is a dementor or like some really evil magic just waiting to be discovered by Hermione Jean Granger.

Maybe I should ask him some questions and act all Spanish Inquisitorial Squad on him

"Why was your room occupied? Who was in it?"

The answer to my question came bursting out of Theo's door.

"Malfoy?" I ask, as Draco Malfoy walked out of his door."What are you doing here?"

The answer to my second question also comes out of the very same door.

Pansy Parkinson.

"Um...Its more of 'Who are you doing' than 'What'." Theo adds unnecessary  
"Pansy?" I said, Barely a whisper, which elected a weird look from Theo."Theo, Whats going on?"

"Well, Um..." He started,but apparently couldn't find any words that would make the situation any

better, so he just gave me the hard truth. " Basically Drake got really horny and needed to fuck his ex-Girlfriend six ways to Sunday, judging by the way she limped while walking, he manged to. So the least I could do was to let him borrow my room for one day to 'Scratch his itch' .I mean since I deserve the medal for 'Worlds-Best-Best-Friends' , I thought I should let him sleep in my room coz It would look good on my portfolio for the award. Though I had to sleep on the sofa, Not very comfortable. I think my spine is trying to crawl out of my arse."

The three of us just stared at him.

"Um... Drake, I think I should go." McBitch says, Timidly.

"Good idea." McSex agreed.

With that Drac-Oh, Theo and I watched Pansy walk out of the room.

"Well, I think I should leave too." Draco says, Making his way to the door.

The both of us watch him reach the door when he turns around and says,

"Oh, and Granger."He says, smirking," Nice Pajamas. Very sexy."

I look down at my white Tom and Jerry pajamas.

The door closes behind him.

I wish I could dig a hole underneath me and die in there.

Theo and I spend a few moments standing there in silence. I caste a quick Scourgify charm and cleaned up the mess on the floor. And just stood there trying to avoid eye contact with Theo.

When I finally looked up at him he seemed to be in deep thought.

Finally, he walked up into his room.

_Phew. I was getting a bit intimidated there._

That's when he turns around and says-

"You have the hots for him don't you, Granger?"

"What?" I say, hoping I heard him wrong. Hoping he was going to start laughing and say some thing like '_you should have seen your face." _or something like that but he just kept staring at me with a serious expression on.

"Draco. You have the hots for him." He clarifies. It was more of a statement than a question.

I replied with silence.

"Thought so." With that he entered his room leaving me completely me completely mortified.

I just stood there watching the receding shadow of a very complex boy named Theodore Nott.

I quickly changed into my uniform and headed to the Great Hall before 'Theo-The-Boy-Who-Knows-All' comes out of his room and continues to give me suspicious looks.

How could it be that two morons with whom I've spent 6 years with still haven't realized my infatuation, but a boy with whom I've spent a grand total of about 5 minuets realizes? I mean, its completely crazy. Who knew Theo was ? He just generally seems to be in his own world all the time, I guess.

I have got to ask Ginny about this.

I walked on the hallway, contemplating my current predicament when I literally walk into a statue of a Knight in armour. The feeling of pain blinded my senses completely. The pain started spreading from my nose to my lips and forehead. It took a while to subside but when it did, I looked into a reflecting surface on the knight armour and looked into the reflection of an amputated tomato. My nose was clearly as broken as it can ever get, with blood running its way into my shocked, open mouth. My forehead had turned red due to the force of impact. My hair was even more messed up than usual, and that's saying something.

I looked like orc having a bad hair day.

All in all, I'm not exactly still in the running to be Britain's next model.

I hear a feminine laugh behind me. I turn my head around and squint my swollen eyes and vaguely recognize the ever beautiful outline of Pansy Frickin' Parkinson.

Well, isn't this amazing!

Meeting my crushes Ex-Ex-Girl Friend when I look my all time worst.

Bloody Spiffing.

"OMG, Granger. Look at your face!" She squeals, Exited." This look actually suits you. I guess reconstructing your face was the best thing that happened to your hideous face."

Well, when you put it like that.

I don't even bother giving an ever so witty reply. Partially because I'm not sure I can move my lips just yet, but moreover because my embarrassment seems to have rendered my lips shut.

I get up and head to Madam Pomfrey. Well, actually, I trip over about a hundred things on the way and waddle my way there.

Madam Pomfrey fixes up my face.

I look at the mirror. I look incredibly ordinary.

I then remember what Ginny said last night.'Pretty me up' actually works for me right now.

I run to the Great hall, against the consent of Madam Pomfrey who insists I stay the day, and enter just in time for Breakfast.

I run in and take a seat next to Gin and Harry. I try my best not to look at the Slytherin table. But maybe just one glance- Draco is talking to Blaise with a rather serious expression o his face and Theo is toying with this food, not really intersted, and he seems a bit... distant. He looks up and his eyes connect with mine. He the sends me a very obvious knowing look by winking suggestively at Draco direction. I take this as an opportunity to look at the Gryffindor table. Ron still seams to be ignoring the lot of us. But of course the death glares intensity hasn't reduced a bit. Dean and Seamus seemed to have gotten bored of him because they both are sitting by their own, completely ignoring Ron's existence.

It is then that Ginny and Harry acknowledge my existance.

Ginny looks at me with surprise.

"Mione! What did you do to your face!" She exclaims.

"I walked into a suit of armour." I say casually, while spreading jam on my toast.

She seamed to have understood my silent plea to drop the topic and continued talking to Harry.

I look at my time table and immediately resist the urge to spit out my toast.

We have double Portions with Snape and the Slytherin this early in the morning followed by herbology and charms, after which we have double DADA with Slytherin!

Dumbledore now takes the podium and clicks his goblet to get the attention of the students.

_Well, that's weird. He never announces anything in the morning. Must be important._

_Please refrain from loosing your mind in the gutter._

_Of course, your honour. _

"As you have noticed, In your timetables, there are many double classes with other houses. Most usually ones that you are not that compatible with." Dumbledore says, Giving the Gryffindors and Slytherins a knowing look."This is intentional. It is to improve inter-House relationship. As, after the second wizard war, there seams to be abundant damage done to the relationship between these houses. So you will be spending more time with these houses. Slytherins with Gryffindors, and Ravenclaws with Hufflepuffs. More activities will be told to you later on.

What? More time with Slytherin's?

_Real smart, Dumble. Stop them fighting by putting them enclosed into a room together for a long duration of time. Tell me if it works out for you._

Nobody looks happy. The Gryffindor table is acting like Voldy has returned and they are to fight him to his death by screaming at him. The Slytherin house is spouting an impressively colourful string of obscene language. Most of those they seemed to have just created,Cos I'm pretty sure 'Arse Faced Merlin's balls' Isn't exactly recorded by the dictionary.

I just sat there.

I mean, I'm Happy I get to spend more time with Draco. I'm Sad because I feel like I'm betraying my house I'm scared because I'm pretty sure that a scene from Macbeth will soon be enacted in front of my eyes. Angry because Dumbledore wasn't thinking this decision through and it will somehow and up being my fault.

So I stare at the whole school go crazy.

"Stop Talking." Dumbledore's voice roared through out the hall, silencing every voice, living or dead." You will comply. That is an order from the headmaster. No exceptions. Now head to your class."

With that Dumbledore left the Great hall, leaving a very quite, very confused hall full of students.

Hey, Gin." I say.

"Yes, Mione,"

"I have to talk to you later on."

"Oh, what about."

"Well, yesterday you said something about 'pretty-ing' me up..." I continue, wondering what I'm getting myself into.


	5. Cauldron Of Torture

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And so I walk out of the great hall. With my ever so attractive squashed face and a bestfriend by my singing hallelujah because of the fact I said yes.

_Said yes to what Hermione?_

A death sentence. I said yes to a death sentence.

Well, lets tell the preacher to preach that at sunday church.

"...and then we can go to to the shoe shop, and then the hair parlor and then the dress shop..." I hear Ginny rambling on about our plans for this weekend. I just want to sit there and brawl my eyes out.

Why am I so hell bent on making an colossal fool out of myself in front of Malfoy? It's not like the 'make-over' or whatever it's called, is going to make me any less of an idiot. That is inevitable. As inevitable as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie getting married.

You know, It's bound to happen.

And I just happen to have a masters degree at making a fool out of myself. It's pathetic to a point where it stops being funny and starts being pretty worrying.

"Earth to Hermione Granger! Anybody home?" Ginny breaks me out of my inner rant." Hey, you do want to do this, right?

_NO! NO I DON"T! I THINK THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!_

She gives me the smallest of pouts.

Damn, this girl knows how to make me feel guilty.

"Yes, Gin." I decide."You just let me wallow in self pity for a little while and I'll be fine."

"YAY! I almost thought you were going to say no. Phew."

Why is my life so hard?

_You make it hard. By being a pushover._

Shut up, inner Hermione.

_You know I'm right._

"Ok, So we have double portions with Slytherin's first. So if you can be discreet about blatantly staring at Malfoy, that would be pretty great." She says.

"Why do you always have to assume-" I look at the challenging expression on her face. "Fine!"

We then walk in silence to the dungeons. Me with a look of exasperation and her with a smug look of pride. The-Girl-Who-Out-Spoke-Hermione-Granger.

Why didn't she just stay with Harry, Marry him, and have little 'I'm-Better-Than-You' kids?

I mean, I love that boy to death, but seriously!

Thinking of the devil, Harry materialises out of thin air and flies away with Ginny. Why don't they just fuck already? Merlin!

Great, now I'm all alone. How come The-Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Die gets to get away with being late for portions and I don' , right! The whole creepy Lindsey Lohan 'My teacher loves my mom' thing. Why couldn't Snape fall in move with MY mom instead? She's a rather lovely person thankyouverymuch.

I walk into class and take a seat in the back, credits to the squashed face, and take out all my books. Books. They are one of the few things in life that I genuinely like. As I take out what seems like the 15 book out of my bag, I see fom my perifral vision Draco Malfoy, sitting two seats diagonally opposite to me, flanked by Theo, Blaise and the rest of his cronies.

He is so beautiful.

Oh, god. Not again.

_Her chariot arrives to the center of the arena. Her beauty is beyond anything he had every seen, her hair twisted into soft curls, her skin, the stuff of legends. She made the Helen Of Troy cower in shame, and Cleopatra bows down to her beauty. _

"_My lady, T'was a pleasure meeting you that winter night." He said to her," We made sweet love under the moon light."_

_She stared at her feet. Her bosoms heaved up and down in her corset. A beautiful blush spread from her chest to her cheeks. The thought of his deflowering of her, was enough to set her loins on fire._

"_Come, let us engage in coitus."_

_With that, he whisked her into his manor where he began to remove her corset.._

"Ms. Granger," A drawling voice came from her side," If you can do the world a favour and stop staring into and empty void of space, That would be nice."

"Sorry, professor."

Snape stood beside her in all his creepyness.

"What happened to your face, Ms. Granger?"

His voice is scary. He should get it changed. Is there a spell to change your voice? I mean, I know there is a spell to make it louder and all, But change it? I'll have to visit the library.

_GET THE FUCK BACK TO EARTH,HERMIONE GRANGER! SNAPE HAS MURDER IN HIS EYES. MURDER!_

"I walked into a suite of armor, Professor."

Pansy lets out a high pitched giggle.

She should get her voice changed too.

"20 points from Gryffindor for your clumsiness, Ms. Granger."

"Thanks, Hermione." That was Ron.

Well, you can take your sarcastic 'Thanks' and shove it up your burrow.

I realise that this is the first that Ron has spoken to me since the Epic Rap Battle on the train.

Huh. Food for thought.

As I think this, Harry-I-Can-Be-Late-For-Anything-And-Get-Away-With -It-Potter enters the class room.

"Sorry proffesor, got held up." He says, itching his untamable hair. Honestly, his hair is worse than mine. And that's saying something.

I hear a high pitched giggle coming from next to Harry.

It was Ginny.

"And was with you when you were 'held up'?" His voice calm, which made it tons creepier. He is so creepy.

"Yes, Sir."

Snape looked into his eyes for a minute and then said," Sit down in the front, Potter."

"No deduction of points?"Harry blurted out."Sir." He added.

"Since you insisted, " Snape said, Happy to deduct points from unsuspecting children," 50 points from Gryffindor."

Thanks for nothing, Harry.

He and Ginny scrambled to their chairs up front in the class.

"As all of you already know, Proffesor Dumbledore has _insisted _upon making both Slytherin and Gryffindor cooperate. I'm fine with the Slytherin, but I want nothing more than to throw all of you insufferable, incompetent Gryffindors into the deadliest depts of Tatarus. For your own safety, I request you to not give me a reason to do so. The slightest of reasons, and the results might not be so _pleasing."_

Well, Isn't he a ray of sunshine?

He should start writing children's books._ 'Mommy, Me and AVADA KEDAVRA, BITCH!'_

"Now, I will be partnering you up, and you will have to brew a simple 'Drought of Tree Growth' for the Herbology lab."

"The pairing go as follows; any attempt to change partners will result in detention.

"Harry Potter with Milicent Bullstrode,"

Whines from both parties

"Ron Weasly with Pansy Parkinson"

Grunts of disgust from both parties.

"Neville Longbottom with Hermione Granger"

Sighs of relief.

"Draco Malfoy with Parvathi Patel"

Shrieks of delight.

"Theodore Nott with Lavender Brown"

More Shrieks.

"Blaise Zabini with Ginerva Weasly"

I think she fainted.

Well, This is going to be interesting. Not for me of course, I'll have to sit back and watch Parvathi drool over Draco as he works magic with... manure. It will be fun watching Ginny with Blaise, though. Maybe they can get together and have rich red haired babies.

"Your ingredients and directions for brewing are on page 394." (A/N: Sorry, I just had to.)" Any doubts, don't ask me."

I had to get this portion right. I haven't _nearly_ prepared enough for the upcoming exams. All of these distractions have caused me to abandon, not completely but occasionally, my studies. All this girly frivolity of 'OMG-He-Likes-Me' must not make me lose track of the reason I tried so hard all of these years. After all, Even if Draco publicly humiliates me when I confess my undying devotion to him, I will always find comfort in books. I need to get this portion right. To prove to Snape, and myself that I Hermione Granger am not a numpty, dunderhead.

This bitch is going down.

"Okay, You get the ingredients and I'll do the brewing." I say authoritatively to Neville, who looks like he's going to piss in his pants. Angry Granger is back, Bitches.

"Yes, Hermione." He says, as he scrambles away from me like I'm a active volatile volcano.

I heat the cauldron to mild, as the instruction says, and add the porcupine quills that Neville just brought me.

"We need four drops of dragon snot, Neville."

"Getting them, getting them."

"Dunderhead. A brave dunderhead, but a dunderhead none the less." I whisper under my breath.

Neville came back with the bottle, his hands gloved like it was some sort of radioactive substance. Trust Neville to get scared of a bottle. I take the bottle from Neville and procede to look at the class.

On my right, I see Pansy and Ron kicking each other under the table. Children these days.

Diagonally in front of me, Theo is feeling up Lavender. She doesn't seem to be complaining.

In front of me, Draco is trying his level best to claw off a slightly deranged Parvathi.

Wait... Parvathi doesn't generally act like this.

"Uh, Proffesor Snape." I hear from Draco's table," I think something is wrong with Patel No.1 here."

"Ah, yes. The side effect of dragon snot. It causes hallucination. If was paying attention to the instructions, she would have know not to carry the bottle with her bare hands."

Huh, well that's odd. What kind of idiot doesn't read the instructions?

Anyways, getting back to my portion.

Step 5: Add 4 drops of Dragon snot to the simmering portion, and stir thrice. Do not touch the bottle with bare hands, may cause hallucination and induce vomiting.

I look down at the bottle sitting in my naked, bare hands.

Oh, dear.


	6. Recipe For Disaster

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Disclaimer: I own my computer and the cheetos sitting next to it. Harry Potter is all Jo's!

Warning: This chapter has a lot of Hallucination, embarrassment and floating golden hair. Don't read if you are offended by any of the three.

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Oh... Dear.

My life wasn't supposed to end like this. I was supposed to die a heroic death, By the sweat of my brow. By the strength in my back! Not out of public humiliation.

Oh, god! People are beginning to stare! I have something on my face. Do I have something on my face?Oh my Merlin, why is everything so blurry?

Blurryness: Side effect of Dying.

Oh, great. I'm dying.

I am so totally dying. If this is what death feels like, I can honestly say I am disappointed. I can believed I survived the Wizarding war to die like this!

I don't want my last words to be something like, "Hey, You know what rhymes with purple? Burple." Hahahah, Dead.

What if I say something embarrassing like, ' I need to pee.' or ' I love Miley Cyrus'? Then what happens?

Oh, godly god. What if I say something to Malfoy? What if I confesses my undying devotion to him during Portions class, in front of Harry, Ron, Snape, and worst of all, Draco himself?

Hey, Draco rhymes with Break-o!

_I'm only going to break, break your, break, break you heart._

Kay, the hallucinations are starting. I must retain my dignity and elegantly walk out of this class before I do something stupid.

I turn around to walk out of the class when I see something shiny floating in the background. It's golden.

_All that glitters isn't gold, Hermione._

Well, this is.

I walk up to the previously stated gold. It looks like spun gold. Hey, why is the gold running away from me?

The gold seems to be running away from me. If I remember correctly, gold can't run. But, still.

"Gold! Come back!" I scream.

The gold starts running faster around the class. I hear people laughing. They are probably just jealous that I got the gold and they didn't. I run fasted after the gold that is floating in mid-air.

"PROFFESOR! PROFFESOR! UNCLE SEV! WHY IS MUDBLOOD GRANGER CHASING ME?" The gold knows my name? That is so cool! Gold that can run and scream for help. I bet it's worth millions. I should not let it go.

I tackle the levitating gold to the ground.

"GRANGER! HAVE YOU LOST IT?" The gold said.

Huh. The gold was a lot heavier that I thought it would be. I feel people tear me away from the gold.

"No! Gold!" I scream.

Wait, why was I screaming.

Maybe I was dying. And now I'm not.

Hey, I remember it being something about a metal. Aluminium. I forgot to add aluminium in my portion yesterday! Hermione, you genius.

I hear Draco complaining about someone tackling him to the ground. Who in their right mind would do that?

Okay, I am bored.

Hey, Inner Hermione!

_You called?_

Yeah, Why did the chicken cross the road?

_Really? Okay, I'll play along. I don't know, Why did the chicken cross the road?_

*Burp* What chicken?

Bad dum tss!

Okay, Why is everything so funny? I think there is something wrong with me. It is all so fuzzy.

What is happening?

Besides me, Neville vocalises my thoughts, "What is happening, Hermione?"

"Stand aside, Longbottom" Snape said making his way through. " Ms. Granger here obviously didn't read the instructions?"

"She ATTACKED me!" I hear Draco scream. I wonder who attacked him.

Snape advances towards me.

Snape. He is so pretty. But he's always so angry. He is like a diva who had his VMA stolen by Kanye West. He would actually be prettier if he..

"Have you ever washed your hair? I mean, It is always so greasy." I say. It's about time someone told him. "It looks like a dead skunk."

Silence.

I wonder why everyone is so quite? Maybe they are just taking a moment of silence to respect my statement. That, or someone is dead.

They are probably mourning the death of the skunk.

R.I.P Skunk.

"Longbottom, go get me some ivy amalgamation." Snape orders, "The hallucinations have begun."

"You should try Tres emme`." I say helpfully, "Or L'Oreal, you know, because you're worth it."

Silence again.

I wonder what has crawled up everyone's bum. Maybe I should ask..

"Hey, Snape! Snap! Snap Snappitty Snap! Did you know your name rhymes with 'grape'?"

" Snape, Crape, drape, Ape. You're name rhymes with 'rape'. How depressing is that? Did you know?"

"No, Granger. I was not aware of this. Nott, Crush the Bezoar and add them to the ivy. Stir it thrice with the feather of a cockatoo."

Everyone is still so damn quite. When I was in camp one summer, a girl got bit by a bear. So, to cheer her up, we sang songs. Maybe I should sing a song.

"My milkshake brings all them boys to the yard" That song is brilliant. "And they're like,'It's better than yours'. I love that song!"

"Granger, It would be appreciated if you could stop howling." Nott adds as he adds the last few batwings to the portion.

Behind me, Parvathi starts singing too.

"I COULD TEACH YOU, BUT I'D HAVE TO CHARGE!" She screeches.

"Oh, God." Theo states, " We're doomed."

"NO, NO. NO NO NO! THEM BOYS ARE WAITING!" I reply, This is fun. All portion classes should be like this.

:Okay, Miss. Ganger," Snape asked, " I want you to tell me how you are feeling."

Why is he asking me this? Have I done something wrong? I'm Hermione Granger I can never me wrong! But, the is just societies misconception about me.

Suddenly, I'm very sad.

"It is like a soul has been ripped out of my heart." I say.

"Soul ripped out? That's what you are going to go with? And entire year of tracing down stupid horcruxes and you chose 'Soul ripped out? Yeah, Hermione!" I counter-say myself.

Great, now I'm talking to myself.

"Great, now she is talking to herself." Nott says.

"Nott. Notty Notty. How cool is it to have 'Naughty' in your name. Or not." I say.

" "Or not.' Haha, Geddit?" I say. " Gettit?"

" Yes, Granger." Not-Not-Nott says, " I have 'Not' in my name. Hilarious."

"See! Someone is finding me funny!" I say, pleased that someone is finally out of Passive- Depression.

"Sarcasm. Miss. Granger." Snape says, bumming out my moment. " The potion is ready. Open your mouth."

A dangerous looking liquid advances towards me.

Theo holds the bottle to my face, expecting me to open my mouth for it. Well, not happening.

"I don't want!"

" C'mon Granger, just one sip."

"No!"

"One teeny sip!"

"My mommy told me not to drink suspicious liquids."

"Really Granger? Now you get your morals back? What happened when you were feeling up Draco?"

I hear a snicker. Snickers. I love Snickers. What a nice chocolate.

"Go away, Not-Not-Nott."

"C'mon. It helped Parvati."

"Oh, okay." Well, If she took it, It's probably safe..

"Okay. Here we go, Granger."

I feel the condiments of the vial flow through my throat like shards of glass.

I hear Theo say, "I think she is passing out." Before I close my eyes.

Darkness overcomes me as I unknowingly prepare of the most embarrassing day to come.


End file.
